What a photographer!

Gianna is in love with the camera. She's also in love with taking selfies. She usually wakes up earlier than I do, and is super quiet so as not to wake me. While I sleep, she snaps pictures of herself. I never find the pics until the next day, or even a week later. It instantly brightens my day when I look through my pictures and see her gorgeous face.
So, enjoy the pictures from my favorite photographer!

Also, you may have noticed that you cannot comment anonymously any note. That is due to someone who wants to harass me while being cloaked behind the anonymous option. Also, spam comments have increased tenfold, and I'm tired of my phone notifications blowing up over it. I apologize for the inconvenience and hope to change it in the near future.

3AM ramblings

It's almost 3 on the East Coast. Gianna is playing around in her crib. As soon as I stand up to walk out of the room, she immediately stands up and starts to cry for me. Not only does she cry, but the kitten is crying for me on the other side of the door! He's lonely, I get it. Why is he lonely? Well, Abbey is gone. As sad as that makes me, it was for the best.

Gianna was not very nice to Abbey. Many times, she would poke her in the rear for whatever reason. Abbey has bitten her and scratched her, but she kept doing it. She also would kick her whenever she was near her. Abbey could be walking by to get to her food, and G would kick her. If Abbey was laying on the floor, G would walk up to her and stomp on her. She would pull her tail, her ears, and her legs. It got to the point that Abbey would hide out in the basement until Gianna was gone. It wasn't fair to Abbey.

I posted in one of the local yard sale groups that I was seeking a new home for her, and had quite a bit of interest. Fortunately, we found a home quickly for her, and she left today. Well, technically yesterday I guess. I really struggled with the decision. I would think it was best for her, then I would get sad because she's a great cat. But, I couldn't think of only myself. She needed to be somewhere where she was happy and could walk around freely. So, since Abbey is gone, poor kitten is sad and missing his mommy.

I'd love to bring him in my room for the night, but I need to get G back to sleep first. Since the food and litter box is downstairs, I need to keep my door open. Since I need to keep my door open, Gianna needs to stay in her bed. Or else she will end up staying up and getting into things she shouldn't. So, here I sit, on the end of Sofia's bed, telling Gianna to lay down and go to sleep. Every time she falls asleep and snores, I get up. As soon as I touch the door, she's standing up and crying. This is going to make for a long night.

So, since I'm up, I figured I might as well ramble a bit. Get some thoughts out and give an update on AJs treatment plan. At his last appointment, we decided to try another medication along with the one he is on now. The one he currently takes is to help his moods due to the ODD. As soon as the insurance authorizes this new medicine, we will start him on Vyvanse for his ADHD. He isn't as violent as he's been, and that's because we upped his Risperidone to 1mg in the morning, and 1mg at night. There is definitely a HUGE change in his moods if he misses even one dose. I am looking forward to getting his ADHD under control now that his ODD is managed. Wish us luck!

School is out on the 17th. I am definitely not going to miss the 6:45 am wake ups, but I will miss being able to run and do errands without everyone being there with me. It's just so much quicker if it's just Gianna and I. I now also need to start planning things for them to do during Summer. We will likely spend a lot of time at various parks. Hoping to get some play dates in as well.

Life certainly has been hectic. I can't wait to just relax. Tomorrow, I am turning my phone off, and doing nothing at all. Besides going to Walmart for some Vinegar. Other than that, absolutely nothing. So, if you need to get a hold of me, please seek out a carrier pigeon. Or even a fox messenger. Or you could leave a voicemail or text. I'll answer eventually. Now that Gianna is asleep, it is time for me to sneak out again, so I may curl up next to my husband, and finally go to sleep. G'night!!

Shame On Me

As I've stated before, my daughter receives donated breast milk. It helps to keep her healthy, and since she doesn't eat a lot of solid foods still, it gives her the nutrition she needs. Her doctor knows her eating habits, and actually encourages us to keep seeking donor milk. I am running EXTREMELY low on our freezer stash, and put a status on my FB asking my friends and family to keep an eye out if they happen to know someone who has extra and would like to donate it.

I have always struggled with low supply. But we managed to make it to almost a year old. A few weeks before she turned one, I had to have a few moles removed. Two of them were on my back. I knew it was going to be hard to hold her comfortably so that she could nurse. I mentioned the thought of looking to see if anyone had any extra milk to tide her over for a few feedings for a few days (I planned to nurse, then give her the bottle when it started to hurt). Anthony was not on board. He said to just give her formula when she needed to eat. Since we had a few samples from Enfamil, I made her a bottle right then and there to see how she would do. She took one suck off the bottle, and spit it right out immediately after. Then she threw the bottle at me. Clearly, she was not interested in it. Anthony saw, but still wasn't comfortable. It took a few days of convincing him it was for the best. Why is it acceptable to give her formula that was made from cows milk in a factory, cows that we don't even know how they're treated, what they eat, how the farmer handles them, if the machines are clean, etc. I can talk to the mother who is donating milk to us, and even request a blood test to ensure that she is healthy. He agreed that it was better, and so I began the hunt.

Fortunately, I was able to find milk with no problems. I met with a few different women, and had my freezer fully stocked in the event that something should go wrong and I wouldn't be able to nurse her myself. Fortunately, that wasn't the case. But, starting her on donor milk was the best thing that I have ever done for her. She immediately went from the 3rd percentile in height/weight, all the way up to the 85th. Her immune system was much better. Instead of being ill 3 weeks out of every month, she was ill once. She faced the possibility of another blood transfusion while ill. I gave her more donor milk, and her numbers shot up immensely. So much so, that she didn't need the transfusion. She has never been healthier since giving her donor milk.

To this day, we are still using donor milk. I plan to continue until she is at least 2 years old. I do still nurse her as well. We go through about 8-12 oz of donor milk a day. Like I said earlier, I had posted on Facebook that I was in need of more, and for my family and friends to please let me know if they know someone who is looking to donate some. While I was out with Gianna at Walmart filling AJ's new prescription for his ADHD, my phone buzzed. When I looked at it, I saw that it was a FB message. I brushed it off because I was busy, and I could wait until I got home to deal with Facebook. But something about the first few lines that showed up in the preview really bothered me. After a few minutes, I couldn't take it any longer, so I opened it. This is what it said:

A few things didn't sit right with me about this message. First off, my daughter is only 21 months old. She's not even two yet. So, where she came up with three is lost to me. Second, she is NOT underweight by any means at all. She is 26 lbs. The WHO growth chart puts her in the 75th percentile. Again, she is not underweight. Third, her baby isn't that much younger than Gianna, from what a friend of mine told me. This friend knows her personally, as they used to be friends. Fourth, I'm not sure where she gets the idea that my baby doesn't need it. Pediasure will not help her immune system. It won't help her numbers to remain at a healthy level.  And last, she blocked me IMMEDIATELY after sending this, so I couldn't even reply back to her. 

I'm not sure why she thought it was okay to message that to me? I am a mother of a child with a blood disorder. I am doing everything that I can to ensure my daughter is healthy. I don't take milk out from underneath other babies. As a matter of fact, I informed this mother of 2 other moms who had milk to donate and gave her their contact information so that her daughter would have milk. All I am is a mother who is doing her best to keep her child healthy. Not selfish by any means. She may have tried to shame me, and guilt trip me, but I will not stand for it. 

For the time being, I am still on the hunt for milk. I'm not having much luck locally, though. I did have a mom willing to pump and ship to me, but we can't afford the shipping costs right now. If you happen to know of anyone who has milk they're looking to donate, please point them my way! Maybe one of them are close enough that we could work something out. 

What the funk?!

Sorry I have been MIA lately. Things have just been not right with me. I'm totally in a funk, and hoping to snap out of it soon. My Zoloft has been upped to 200 mg at my last appt, but I still feel like it's not helping much. I take it at night because it makes me really sleepy. I'd rather not fall asleep during the day while Gianna is awake, or while I'm doing errands. I also have a really hard time sleeping at night, so I spend quite a bit of time just laying there, exhausted, but unable to sleep. Like the other night, for example.

I forgot that G had leaked out of her diaper when we woke up. Hubby refused to move off the sheets so I could wash them, but promised me he would take them off when he actually got up. He never did take them off, and I was so busy with everything else that I forgot about them. Until it was bedtime, of course. Gianna decided to wake at 1, so that's when we headed to bed (early for us). Since we had to change the bedding at that time, when I remembered, Gianna assumed that it was playtime. Hubby tried to go right to sleep after, but G would not let him. She was tossing, and turning, and kicking, and jumping, and laughing, and just playing in general. He and I got into an argument, and I told him to get out and go sleep on the couch if it was that big of a deal. He did. Which left more empty space for Gianna to jump and play on. She didn't go to sleep until close to 5. I'm not even sure what time she fell asleep, because I was too tired to even stay up any later than that.

I was also up crying and being sad most of that time. I'm not sure why, but I started thinking about my mother. I miss her incredibly. She passed away March 24, 2009. 3 days after Sofia's 6th birthday. The day before my Father's birthday. I'm not sure what made me think of her the other day, as nothing significant happened that I'd want to tell her about. Other than that I still have regret over our last conversation. The huge fight we got int. My mother and I were two totally different people, and we clashed terribly. We were just complete polar opposites. It's something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Anyways, today was a pretty good day. Had some running around to do. Took my SIL to her appt, visited my dad at work for a bit, got a box of toothpaste sent to me via FedEx (24 tubes! All for free!!), went to Sofia's Science Fair, then came home and put the kids to bed. Of course, AJ had his moments today, but he moved on quickly from them. Gianna has been pretty restless lately. I put her to bed at 8:30 with the other kids, and she has already woken twice. I am trying to get her to sleep through the night, so instead of running upstairs and picking her up as soon as she cries, I took my sweet time, and then just laid her back down. I don't believe in CIO, so that didn't even cross my mind. Not to mention, Sofia and her share a room. Sofia has school tomorrow, so I can't have G waking her up. Luckily, she laid back down fairly easy and I rubbed her back until she fell back to sleep. I am hoping to head up to bed myself so that I can get some sleep in before she wakes up.

 All my free toothpaste!

Science Fair. She and a friend did their project on Saturn. Sofia made the planet, her friend did the research.

I am hoping to get out of this funk soon. I'd really like to get back to myself and get back to blogging. I have so much to say, but no motivation to get it done.