Lack of Mental Health Urgency

Friday is my "bill paying day". You know the day ... the day you wake up, check your bank account and say "Wow! That's more than I thought we were getting! Great!" then quickly you remember that it really means all that money you've worked hard for is gone before you could really enjoy it. That's okay. At least you have electricity for yet another month!



Last Friday, the 16th, we made the difficult decision to take our son to the hospital for CPEP (Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program). It was not a decision we took lightly, and there were events that led up to this decision. Events starting back to when he was younger. He's put his hands on both Gianna and Sofia many times since Gianna was an infant. I have brought it up to his therapist each time, and it was never really addressed. I was never really helped in that aspect. I wasn't really instructed on what to do. Typical punishments mean nothing to my son. Taking things away, spanking, time outs, isolation (sent to his room), nothing. It makes him mad, and he doesn't learn anything long term. We used to use a reward system which worked briefly. Every day he behaved earned him 15 minutes on the video game system we had (PS3 at the time). He could "redeem" his time on Saturday. I did not expect perfection in his behavior. We used the 3 strike system. He was "allowed" (for lack of better wording) 2 strikes, but if he got 3 in one day, he earned no game time. Most weeks, he got at least 30 minutes out of the game. After a while, he didn't care and said it wasn't worth it, so we stopped.

Let me get back onto what happened this past Friday. While out and about with the kids (no school), I had to run to my insurance company to pay them. Since I had my SIL with me, I left them in the car together while I ran in to pay. Since the ladies at the company know us, there was no waiting for them to misspell our name, dig around for our file, etc. They know right where our file is, and know how much we owe. I was out of there in less than 2 minutes. When I returned to the car, my SIL handed me her phone immediately. I thought she was going to show me something funny that she found on FB, so I almost didn't watch. But when I looked down and saw my kids on the screen, and the look on her face, I had no choice but to watch.

What I saw disturbed me, upset me, and made me hurt for my poor baby girl. As most of you know, I still have her rear facing because it's safer. Because she is still rear facing, one of the ways she sits is with her legs hanging off the sides of the seat (yes it's safe. Read HERE and refer to Myth #2). AJ apparently didn't like that, so he picked her leg up and SLAMMED it back into her car seat. She immediately put her leg back out of the car seat, where he proceeded to do it again. She winced a little at that one. Once more, she put her leg back out, he slammed it back in, and this time kept his hand on her car seat to prevent her from dangling her leg again. She did kick his hand and tried to make him move, with no luck. Once he moved, she dropped her leg off the side again. This time, he grabbed her leg, squeezed it REALLY hard, and spoke through gritted teeth to her. He threatened her by saying "Don't forget. I AM stronger than you." He then slammed her leg back in, reached into her seat and proceeded to slap her a few times. I couldn't see where he struck her, or exactly how many times, but he later admitted at CPEP to hitting her arm. He couldn't remember the exact amount of times he hit her, but said it was "at least 4 times".

I made a few phone calls to different areas in regards to this- First I called a local mental health hospital who gave me another number within the hospital. Called that second number, spoke with someone who transferred me to someone else who gave me info I was looking for. They also gave me the CPEP info, instructed me to take him there, and also told me to call his therapist. I called his therapist but was told by another in the office that she wasn't there on Fridays and I was laughed at for not knowing that. So, I hemmed and hawed about taking him to CPEP. I didn't know exactly what it was, other than what I was told from the guy from the mental hospital. He was vague, just told me that it was for crises, to take AJ when we're ready and talk to them there. They would decide what the best course of action was, up to and including hospitalization.

When my husband came home, we talked about it. It was decided we were all going. This way, I wasn't alone with the two younger kids, trying to talk to the doctors and nurses and whoever else. I would have an ally with me. Someone who knows his behaviors as well. Someone who could help me explain what we go through, talk about the difference in moods, how he snaps over minor things, etc. We arrived at the hospital at 6. I was told to go to the ER and tell them we were there for CPEP. I assumed that was something separate from the ER and that we would be taken there immediately. Nope, we sat in the ER for hours. In those hours spent waiting, we witnessed many people come in due to injuries from fighting- they were handcuffed and escorted by police. At least 2 of them were teens. We saw a meth addicted woman lock herself in the bathroom until she was given a room. We watched cops pat down a male in his late 30s, and pull out 3 heroin filled needles off of his person. Along with multiple other ailments from people who were not brought in by police. It was scary, and I almost left.

We were finally brought back to a room around 9ish. From there, we waited for a doctor to give him medical clearance to be seen by CPEP. It didn't take TOO long for the doc to see him. He was cleared by 10. However, at around midnight, I asked to sign him out AMA. I told the nurse that we could have waited through this at home. A man had been brought into the same room we were in (2 bed room) and he was drunk and scaring my kids. Nurses walked away instead of helping or making him go back to his bed. I mentioned that to the nurse. I told her that everyone was tired, especially AJ, and he was getting more agitated. I would prefer to just go home, call either the Mental Health hospital in the AM, or his therapist again and see if we can get in as an emergency case. The nurse informed us that they would be forced to call CPS on us if we left. I was almost tempted to leave anyway, as CPS could hook us up with the help he needs, PLUS could offer more resources. But, after the last debacle with them, I'd rather not deal with them again. So, I sent my husband and our oldest home while I stayed with the two littles.

When the doctor came in to convince us to stay, I informed him that we ARE staying, but this wait is ridiculous. If this were a serious crisis, and we were waiting for THIS long, this could be a worse situation. I did inform him that waiting was a trigger for AJ's episodes, and if something were to happen to my daughter, again, I would not hesitate to place the blame on them. Suddenly, not even 5 minutes later, a woman from CPEP came to get us. She took us to a separate area where she talked to us a little bit. First to me, then to AJ separately. Her "findings" were that it's simply sibling jealousy causing all this rage out of him. Jealous because he wanted a brother and not a sister. This has been discussed with AJ before, and he never said he didn't want a sister. He never said he would have rather had a brother. And even if that were the case, it does not excuse his behavior. Regardless, she still had to consult with the Psychiatrist on call and discuss her "findings" with him.

After another 45 minute wait, she came back to tell us what the Psychiatrist said. He instructed her to give us the information for the Mental Health Hospital (the same one I called and got info from earlier) and instructed us to go there for their open enrollment (OE). They have OE every day of the week, for a few hours each day. We will go Thursday, when they have later hours, so that I can be sure to get Gianna off the bus. I will have to bring her with us. Though not ideal, it's not too bad. At least she can talk to the people there and let them know what he's done to her since she seems to be the main target of his outbursts. Maybe someone there will get to the bottom of it and be of some more help to us. We left CPEP around 2 AM. It was NOT how I thought it would go, at all.

Since our visit, AJ has put his hands on her twice more. Once was to pinch her cheeks together because he was mad that she wanted the light on while he wanted it off. The other time was today while I was cooking. She says he shoved her down, he said he didn't. I didn't know who to believe since I didn't see it myself, so I just separated them and put him in his room until I finished. He's getting worse, and I wish someone would see what I see. I am hoping that we get somewhere on Thursday when I take him to OE. Somewhere, someone has to be able to help us. Please keep us in your thoughts.

A brief, kind moment between the two of them at 1 AM

HELP! Advice/suggestions needed!

How do you handle the constant lying??


I literally mean CONSTANT. It's like, this kid can't go a second without lying about something. Anything!! I know a lot of this has to do with his ODD, but it's about minor, insignificant things.

Just now, Gianna whined to me that he wouldn't let her wear it. I asked what "it" was, and he insisted it was the cat collar. I asked her if that's what she wanted, and she said no, and pointed to something under his lap. I asked him again, he insisted the collar. I asked again, he said he didn't know. I asked one last time, and told him "This is the absolute last time I ask. WHAT is it?" Once again, he insisted he didn't know. I told him to stand up, he refused. Again "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Now, stand up." I noticed his hands moving to his lap, and I told him to move his hands. When I started to get up, he shouted "FINE! She wants her headband." and threw it at me.

I'm seriously at my wit's end with him. Minor things turn to huge lies. I did spank him, though it doesn't do any good. And I also put him in the corner. I just don't know what to do with him any more. I am looking into a new therapist because his current one will likely laugh again when I discuss this incident with her.


So tell me, what do YOU do when your child lies?

I Hate After School Time.

Let's just get one thing out in the open before I continue. Yes, I absolutely love my kids. No, I don't always like them. Do I have to like them? Absolutely not. That being said, I shall continue.


I see moms in all different groups I'm in saying things like "Oh, I'm not ready for little Johnny to start school yet!" or "Little Lisa starts Pre-K this year. I am crying so hard!" or even "I took Billy to school today. There were more tears coming from me than him. I don't know what to do with myself."

Meanwhile, I'm over here like "FINALLY. SCHOOL STARTS TODAY!" and "Oh thank God the kids are off to school." Not because I don't want to be around them. But, okay, well, maybe it's a little like that. Reminder, I do love my kids (reminder for you, or for me?!) but the nonstop fighting between them is enough to make even the sanest person lose it. I've tried ignoring them, I've tried redirection, I've tried punishments. Nothing helps. Especially not with AJ's problems.

Let me tell you, if you think that this is a discipline issue, then you are sorely mistaken. I invite any one of you into my home for a full day to see what we go through. Of course, I'm going to ask that you make yourself hidden because my kids are on their best better behavior when other people are around. The fighting isn't as bad. It stops the first time I tell them to stop it. They're more inclined to help out around the house. They don't bicker, or talk back.

Today, oh man. Today the advocate from Head Start came to do a home visit so that Gianna can go to school later this month. While I was talking to her, Sofia came home and immediately started acting up. She RARELY acts up. But sometimes, she just has to show off. And that she did. Immediately started being loud, being silly, and interrupting us while we were talking. Which then meant that Gianna had to start being loud. Eventually, I got them to calm down, but that was only the beginning.

Enter AJ. He comes home at 3:45. From that point on until bedtime (at 7:30), it's nonstop:
AJ, sit down.
AJ, do your homework.
AJ, what did I just say?
AJ, keep your hands to yourself.
Quit tattling, AJ.
Just be quiet for 2 minutes ... PLEASE!
AJ, stop yelling at Gianna.
AJ, stop chasing her.
Gianna, stop taking his toys.
AJ, stop yelling.
AJ! JUST STOP!!!!

I literally mean, nonstop. Shortly after he came home today, he started his homework. That involved him cutting pictures out of a magazine for school. He needed to cut out things that he liked. Gianna sat next to him, just watching him. She did not touch him, nor did she say anything to him. He, all of a sudden, started screaming about her being there. He threw the scissors down, and stormed off. Gianna grabbed the scissors and set them back down on his magazine. He then flipped out because she touched his scissors (they were actually Sofia's scissors). He threw his arms in the air, and started stomping all over. After that little fit, he came back to finish his work. When he finished, he asked me to close the ziploc baggie with his pictures in it. While I was doing that, I asked him to pick up the pieces that he cut out and won't be using. Gianna helped him pick them up, and then he flipped out about that. He didn't want to walk allllll the way to the kitchen by himself (a whole 10 feet). So he decided to throw the little papers on the floor and then throw himself down.

After that episode was over, he picked up his mess, all while muttering nonsense. I ignored him. He started playing with his toys after that- Trio Blocks, wrestling figures, and his toy sword. When he turned around to ask me something, Gianna touched one of his Trio blocks. Because she dared touch it, he started flipping out, screaming at her and stomping around. She handed him the block back, and he snatched it from her. Which then hurt her, and made her cry. Because she started crying, he started yelling at her for crying, calling her a cry baby and a liar (denying wrongdoing is common with ODD kids). Since he chose to hurt her, intentionally or not, I made him put his toys away and sit on the couch. At that point, he started throwing his toys in the toy bin. Fine. At least they're being put away and he isn't hurting anyone. Once he realized I wasn't letting him up, he started with the name calling and attitude again.

I'm horrible. He hates me. He wishes he never came home from school (the feeling is mutual at this point, buddy!!). He's never coming home again (can I pack for you??). Blah blah blah. My only response to all this, is a very unenthusiastic "Okay. I'm sorry you feel that way. I still love you." After a few times of me repeating that, he eventually calms down. It's like something clicks in his head Oh, she still loves me. Maybe I should stop. It's like he's not getting the reaction he wants (he gets great enjoyment out of seeing me cry and beg him to please stop) so he just gives up. Or maybe the rational part of his brain kicks in to snap him out of his ODD rage.

What ever is going on, school seems to exacerbate it. He has recently had a med change, yet again, and is only taking them in the morning. It started as him taking Ritalin LA 40 mg and Risperidone 2 mg in the morning, and Ritalin LA 20 mg, Risperidone 2 mg, and Clonidine .10 mg after school (around 3:30 during the Summer). But he took them all at once one morning during the Summer, accidentally. It worked well, so the RN at the therapist suggested we continue. Since he's taking all those in the AM, they work for a few hours. So by the time he comes home, they've worn off, and all his pent up frustration and anger from the new school year come out. He lashes out at me and who ever is in his path. Which is why I hate after school time. My anxiety kicks up around 3:30. My shoulders and my neck tense up. I KNOW I'm in for a battle royale.

Our next therapy appointment isn't until the 30th of this month. I'm not so sure I'll be able to last that long. I feel every muscle tensing up when I know he's about to come home. I feel every bad feeling you could possibly feel, creeping up. It's just not a good feeling. The worst thing is knowing that I can't help him. His therapist doesn't do much for him. Unfortunately, she's the only therapist around that we can see. She has these "ideas" on how to help him- 1-2-3 Magic for disciplining (laughable, at best). Taking things away as punishment (he doesn't care). Redirection ... All things we have tried!! This is an ongoing problem, and I feel like I'm drowning in meltdowns and tantrums.

In the meantime, I'll just plug along and hope things get better. Or at least that the newness of school wears off and he calms down.

How has the first day been for you? Any meltdowns? 

Munchables Chewable Jewelry **REVIEW & GIVEAWAY!!**

I received this product in exchange for a review. All opinions are 100% my own.

As a mother to a kiddo with Sensory Processing Disorder, I know how important it is to have things on hand that my child can chew on. Preferably, something other than his fingers and clothing. AJ will chew on his fingers until they bleed, and he puts holes in his clothes. Neither of those are things I want him to do. Clothing isn't cheap, and as for his fingers? It hurts! Enter Munchables.

Munchables is a WAHM company, located in Canada. This mom set out to provide affordable teething jewelry for moms, that is aesthetically pleasing. But, she not only offers necklaces for mom. She also offers pacifier clips, bracelets, and even children's jewelry. We received a necklace for my son for review purposes.

I messaged Munchables, and soon Laura and I were in discussion for the perfect necklace for AJ. I told her what colors he liked, and she came up with this beauty.

These beads are food-based silicone, dishwasher safe, BPA free, and exceed safety standards. The clasp is designed to snap open in an instant so as to avoid choking risks. The beads can certainly take a lot of chewing, and hold up fabulously. As soon as it came in the mail, it was in AJ's mouth. And there it stayed for the majority of the day. While was chewing, he said it was a weird, but pleasant feeling. It didn't hurt his teeth, like chewing on his shirts sometimes did. He wasn't harming himself, like he did while chewing his fingers. I didn't have to worry about germs getting into his mouth, like I do when he gnaws on other items. Because this necklace doesn't touch the floor, it stays relatively clean. Since I don't own a dishwasher, I hand wash it every so often. Just a quick wipe down with a soapy hand gets the job done.

There are a TON of different beads to chose from, styles, lengths, designs, etc! The possibilities are ENDLESS!! The best part of this company, in my opinion, is the excellent customer service. Laura is so kind and easy going! I am VERY indecisive, and couldn't decide on how I wanted his necklace to look. As I said above, all I did was tell her the colors he liked, and she put together his necklace. It may be simple, but it's perfect for my boy. A big bonus is that they replace the clasp for FREE for the first year of ownership! AJ has a habit of chewing the clasp, and I have to remind him often that it's not made for chewing, but so far we have no issues with it opening and closing.

Added these pics 8.18 as I failed to do so earlier. As you can see, only the clasp has any signs of wear and tear after being heavily chewed on for over a month.

If you have a teething baby, or a child with SPD, please consider Munchables!! You won't be disappointed! One lucky reader will win a Munchables item of THEIR choice! All you have to do is enter using the Rafflecopter form below! Good luck!


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You're such a retard!

Now that I have your attention ...

Imagine this. You're hanging out with your friends. There's at least 4 of you. You decide to try to do some new trick. Epic fail. You fall flat on your face. Your friends crack up hysterically, because let's face it, when it happens to someone else, it's pretty funny. Then one says "You really thought you could do that?! You're such a retard!!"

Imagine this as well. You're reading the new dress code at your local school. What?! Only blue jeans are allowed? No shorts? Not even in summer?! That is such a retarded rule. Who ever came up with that is retarded.

Now, imagine that you said all that out loud, next to a group of parents who have special needs kids. Or what if you said that right in front of those special needs kids? Loud enough for them to hear. Do you have any idea just how offensive that is?

Let's get something straight. I have no problem with it being used properly. Some people are mentally retarded. Children's pajamas are flame retardant. Some things have been proven to retard your growth. Those are all acceptable ways to use that word. Calling someone retarded because they did something stupid? Not acceptable. Using that term to describe something you don't believe is right? Not acceptable. Retard does NOT mean stupid. Stupid means stupid. Unfair means unfair.

My son has some learning disabilities. Stupid, he is not. He is many things. He is

                                                                  a boxer:

                                                            a decorator:

a member of the SWAT team:

and a storyteller:

Most importantly, he is Anthony. My son. A wise friend once told me that a child's disabilities are a part of them. They don't define him or her. 

Speaking of said friend. This is her daughter Emily. She has Down syndrome. She is not "that downs baby". She is not stupid. She is

a gamer (a pretty chatty one, too!):

a mess maker.

a Beauty Queen.

your typically happy-go-lucky toddler.

Most importantly, she is Emily. A BEAUTIFUL 6 year old girl, who happens to have a little something extra.

Another friend of mine has an almost 4 year old daughter. She has SPD as well. A more severe case than my son has. Krista's speech is also delayed. It is sometimes hard to understand her. She is in OT for her speech and sensory issues. Stupid? Definitely not. She is

a water baby:

a mud-pie baker:

a painter:

a ham for the camera:

But most importantly, she is Krista. A 3 year old whose 4th birthday is being celebrated in a few days. My son's best friend.

If you happened to look around before you spoke, and saw them, would you still proceed to call your friend a "retard" for doing something stupid? Or would you not care? Would you even understand just how hurtful that would be, not only to our children, but to us as parents? Our children are not stupid. They are very bright. They may not show you just how intelligent they are, but we see things every day that we're told they would never do. Emily's mom can attest to just how true that is. 

Emily's mom also said "Why do we need to use labels at all? Labels are for jars and my daughter is not a jar. The R word is hateful as is any word that deems my child somehow "different" than anyone else. Her name is Emily. She has Down syndrome. Call her Emily and she will answer."

Spread the word to end the word

http://r-word.org/

Won't you take the pledge with us?