Monday, December 31, 2012

*Review and Giveaway* Sunbaby Cloth Diaper

Recently, I was sent a package of 2 Sunbaby pocket diapers, Size 2. One for me to try out and review, and one to give away (yay!). The first thing I did when they came is, besides ripping the package open, was give them right to Gianna to get a super cute pic. We used the pink one on the right (My Little Melody), and are using the plaid one as our giveaway diaper. Sunbaby diapers are One Size, recommended for babies 7 to 35 pounds. Gianna is about 23 pounds right now.

I have heard wonderful things about Sunbaby diapers, but have never owned a new one. My first impressions were that they were cheap, and couldn't possibly be any good. While I was correct on the cheap aspect (12 diapers with 12 microfiber inserts= $5 each), I was wrong on their quality. The quality is much more than I could expect for the price.
First things first, I had to prep the diaper before I could put it on her. I didn't do anything fancy when prepping, but simply added them to my regular diaper laundry. A cold wash with no detergent, hot wash with Tide, then a final cold wash with no detergent. After that, I put them in the dryer on medium for 30 minutes, then high for 30 to seal the PUL on my diapers. Once it was washed and dried, we were ready to give it a try.

 I wanted to get a picture of it before putting it on my daughter to show all of the great features about it. First off, the elastic is the perfect size- not too thin, not too thick. The hip snaps are fantastic. The sizing snaps make it fit just about any size baby. The microfiber insert, though it feels pretty thin, is actually a great absorbency size. It's not too bulky, not too thin. The inside of the diaper has what Sunbaby calls a "waterproof insert stopper". It prevents urine from wicking up and onto the belly. I wish these pictures showed just how soft the inside is. It's seriously one of the softest inners I've ever felt in a cloth diaper. It is made from micro fleece, and has a flap that covers the opening for the insert. The outside of this is made from PUL, so there is no need for a cover. 

No matter how Gianna twisted and turned, the diaper stayed on her fantastically, and offered great coverage. Jumping, running, rolling on the floor, reaching up, bending down, dangling from my arms, etc. I loved how she was able to lay down with it, and not look like she was off the floor at all like with some of our bulkier diapers. Even on the tightest setting, no circulation was cut off in her legs. The elastic in the back didn't dig into her back, either. 
The suggestion via their website is to change every 2 to 3 hours. I wanted to see just how long it would last before having a leak, though. After just two hours, Gianna decided it was time for a nap. I checked her out, and she didn't seem wet at all. The outside wasn't showing any signs of leaks, and the inside didn't even feel wet, so I left it on her. She decided to nap in her car seat, which would give me an idea of how well the diaper would hold up. We have a few that leak while she's in her car seat, but not while she's standing or laying in her bed. 5 hours after putting the diaper on, she woke up from her nap. No leaks, no wet spots at all. As a matter of fact, the only reason I changed her diaper was because she pooped. Which was another perfect way to test the diaper. We've had a few diapers where I thought it would hold everything in, but it turned out that it went right up her back. Not with our Sunbaby! It was perfectly contained. I was in diaper heaven with it's performance.

Overall, I'd have to say that this diaper far exceeded my expectations. I was excepting a cheap diaper that didn't hold up for more than one pee. However, after going twice as long as in our 'better' diapers, I was pleasantly surprised. These diapers are super affordable at about $5 per diaper/insert set. Unfortunately, you can't just buy one at a time. You have to buy a pack (12 diapers, 12 inserts. 12 diapers, 24 inserts. etc) but the more you buy, the cheaper they are. If you don't mind pocket diapers, then these are for you. They have a ton of cute prints for both boys and girls. The fit is adjustable to meet your baby's needs. At 23 pounds, we still have a lot of room for growth. I never snap the rise down on any of our OS diapers, but I'm sure I could get away with putting this on the medium setting. And my favorite thing about these diapers? The owner, Sun Pei, does not use child labor. She provides fair wages, and fair labor conditions! Read for yourself!
And now, without further ado, I give to you ... the diaper for the giveaway!

 a Rafflecopter giveaway

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Medication Fail

At AJ's last appointment, we were given a prescription for Intuniv. We were supposed to add it to the Adderall, so that it's a little extra boost. He was to take the Adderall and the Intuniv in the AM, then another Adderall in the afternoon. When I sent my husband to Walgreens to pick it up, the pharmacist informed him that the prescription required prior authorization. I called and went in repeatedly to check on the status. Recently, the pharmacist called to let me know that they will, once again, fax AJ's doctors office and let them know that they need to get approval for it. What happened next really had my head spinning.

Yesterday, a nurse from the doctors office called me to let me know that the insurance denied the request. I asked her what their reasoning was, and she stated that it was because AJ has to "fail" 2 medications from a certain set (stimulants) before they would approve Intuniv. These medications include: Strattera, Concerta, Adderall, Ritalin, and others. When AJ was first diagnosed, he was given Ritalin (methylphenidate). When that didn't do anything, he was switched to Focalin. After a while of being on that, and no improvements, he was taken off. We then went to Adderall, twice a day. There was no improvement on that either. We tried out Adderall XR, but it only helped for the first 2 hours or so. His metabolism is so high, that he burns right through it. We went back to regular Adderall, again twice a day, but added Clonidine at night. No change in behavior. The Clonidine helped him to sleep, though. So he was more rested and ready to take on the day when he awoke. However, it also gave him the much needed sleep he needed so that he could have his full blown attacks the next day.

The nurse told me that she would talk to Dr. N and see what he wanted to do. She and I discussed that AJ has, in fact, failed 2 medications. He actually failed 3, because Focalin is on the list of medications that need to be failed. She said that she would have him resubmit the form with the added information that he is only getting worse, and that the Intuniv is going to be added to the Adderall. She also gave me the number to the Mental Health Clinic because AJ had destroyed the paper with the number written on it in a fit of rage. Everyone at that office knows how my son is, and they all know that he needs this help. They are rallying behind me and trying to help as best as they can. I hung up with her feeling defeated. I felt like this was a battle we weren't going to win. I am not even 100% sure that the Intuniv would help, but I am desperate to try whatever is being suggested to us. I cringe when AJ gets into one of his fits. I mean, he's only 5! He'll be 6 in less than 3 weeks. With age comes strength. The older he gets, the bigger he gets, and the stronger his fits are. What happens when he's 10 and his fits are way worse? How will I protect myself and my girls from him? This needs to stop, and I need all the help I can get. If it's in medication, so be it. I'd be a fool to deny it.

Today, I got a phone call from the doctors office. I quickly hushed my kids, and prepared myself to be told that there is nothing more we can do about the Intuniv. I have heard about other medications. Maybe they would work instead. Other moms in the group I'm in have had success with Vyvanse. My Brother in law was on Concerta with success. He was also put on Strattera, with no response. I prepared my self to ask about those first 2. When I answered, it was just a receptionist calling to confirm Gianna's appointment for Monday (more shots for the poor baby sad). I hung up, again feeling defeated. No call regarding AJ meant that the insurance denied it, again, and Dr N was debating on what to try. A few minutes later, the doctors office called again. I hushed the kids again, and prepared for the worst. The nurse, in an excited voice said "Kristen! Guess what?! The insurance approved it!!". I felt my knees give out from under me. I was ecstatic. Thrilled. Surprised. Scared. What if it doesn't work? What if we went through all of this hassle for nothing? No time to be worried. I need to celebrate this small accomplishment. We are going to be trying him on a new medication, and I fought for my son to have the medication that many have had success with. 

His outbursts are getting more and more frequent, and more and more violent. He's stomping, screaming, threatening to throw things at people, threatening to hit people. He's lying. He's blaming others. Just today, he pee'd his pants ... again. He's been doing this often. When I tell him I'm going to put diapers on him, he gets excited. That's what he wants. He is just not acting like himself. I am going to call the Mental Health Clinic again on Monday, when he's back in school, and let them know about these outbursts. I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. When I say I need help with him, I fully mean it. I don't just need someone to say "Oh, I feel bad for you." or "Oh, it'll get better." No, what I need is someone to come over and actually help me with him. Maybe take him for a bit. Come over and keep me company so that I have someone I can complain to in person. Everyone seems to think that AJ is this sweet, innocent, super polite child. When I tell them that he isn't, they seem genuinely surprised. "You must be joking. He's a wonderful kid!". Maybe at school. Maybe at others' houses. I get jealous when I hear that. He's very loving ... when he wants to be. He will come up and give me hugs for no reason, just because he wants to. But I know that it means that an outburst is bound to happen soon. The pattern is: Get yelled at, be distracted by something else, get nervous over something, come and hug me and tell me he loves me, go play, then flip out. It's like he needs that hug and reassurance that I love him to be able to have these outbursts. I often wonder, if I don't respond and ignore his hugs and I love you's, would he NOT flip out? Would he think that I wouldn't love him if he acted out? I don't want to take that chance by ignoring him, because the truth is, I *DO* love him. I may have to remind my self of that often, but I do. He is my son. What I do not love is his behavior. That is what I want to change. I want the medication to bring my sweet boy back to me. I miss my son.

Tomorrow starts day 1 with Adderall and Intuniv. Wish us luck!!

Friday, December 28, 2012

*Review* Baby K'tan

First off, let me start this by saying that I have been in the works with Baby K'tan for a while regarding a review. I pitched the idea to them for a review and a possible giveaway. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to offer the giveaway, but I am happy to be able to review this wonderful carrier. I did NOT get it for free. I was in communication with a wonderful woman named Reina from the company. She was soooo pleasant to work with. So helpful, and so patient through my many questions. She did not get rude once when I was skeptical about sizing. Pre-Gianna, I was tiny. As you can see in my pics, I'm not that tiny any more. I have put on more weight than I would like to admit, but she worked with me and helped me to figure out the correct size. They go by your prepregnancy size, so mine is an extra small, even though I was convinced that I would need a bigger size. I left it entirely up to Reina, and she was correct. She did send a return label, just in case, but I am happy to say I didn't need to return it.

The way Reina treated me was not like just another customer. She took the time to explain things to me, to chat with me, to make me feel like a friend. She didn't go more than a few days without sending me a message to let me know that she was looking forward to reading my review, to ask how it was going, to see if I had any questions, or anything at all. She is FANTASTIC. Reina is one of the reasons why I enjoy my K'tan so much. The personal service was the best part.

The Baby K'tan is a cross between a wrap and a structured carrier. There are no buckles to fiddle with, no long ends to drag on the floor. It is essentially 2 big loops held together by a smaller loop, with a sash for added support.  (photo from Baby K'tan)
November 20, 2012-
I received my Baby K'tan today! I heard the FedEx truck pull up, and I ran out to meet him. Poor guy hardly knew what was coming! As soon as I brought it in, I played around with it. I carried Gianna's ugly baby doll in it. I didn't want to try it out with her right away until I was confident that I had it on right. After a day of playing around, I was ready to try. I read the instructions over and over and over again, and first tried the facing out position. I couldn't get her to cooperate with me, so we gave up. I faced her towards me, and she instantly relaxed. We loved it! I did not use the sash for this picture. The sash MUST be used for this carry, however. As I was only trying it out and playing around, I did not use it.

Bright and early, still in our jammies. Gianna instantly relaxed once she was in it properly. Because there is a significant difference between her and the baby doll, I was a little leery of how it would feel on my back. I can say that I was comfortable and it did not hurt my back like other carriers did. I am hoping to gain a little more confidence before venturing out with it. So far, 2 days in and I'm loving it. Just wish I was able to put it on as easily as the YouTube video makes it look!

November 29-
The Christmas parade was today, and I was excited to use the Baby K'tan to enjoy the parade. Unfortunately, Gianna fell asleep in the car on the way to the parade, and we just put the car seat in the stroller for the beginning. After about 15 minutes, she woke up, and wanted out. I immediately popped her in the carrier, facing out, and we watched. A friend of mine snapped this picture of us. Gianna is not too fond of this carry. I'm not sure why, but I'm thinking it might be because her arms aren't free. They were sort of pinned to the sides, and she couldn't bring them together to clap easily. The sash must be used in this carry as well.

I have used it a few more times since these dates, and still find it sort of hard to put her in correctly. It may have something to do with her age, because at 16 months old, she doesn't really want to be held much. She much prefers to walk around and play. I have had great success with a friends little one. At about 4 months old, she doesn't fight me too much winky She enjoyed being in it much more than Gianna did. Also, because tags and labels bother me more than the average individual, I find that I, personally, am not comfortable putting G in it until I have the Baby K'tan logo in the perfect spot. If the logo is so much as an inch off to the side, or even upside down, I have to take it off and fix it until it is perfect. This is user hang-ups, though. Nothing that would deter me from reaching for it. When I plan on using it while we're out, since it's winter in good ol' NY, I put it on before putting my sweater and/or coat on. This way it's ready to go when we get to our destination. 

•Comfort: I give it 4.5 stars out of 5
        There are no uncomfortable buckles to dig into my back, sides, belly, arms, etc. I absolutely love this about the Baby K'tan. I don't have to twist and turn and pull and push on parts to keep it from digging into me, or catching on skin and/or clothing. I took off half a star because I feel that it's easier on the body for a smaller baby. My 24 pound daughter causes a slight amount of stress on my shoulders when she's wiggling around and fighting me. It's much less stress than my Boba 3G.

•Ease of use: I'd say 4 out of 5
         It's definitely much easier than the Boba Wrap I owned. There were no long pieces to wrap around and around and around. No long pieces that might touch the ground. No real complicated wrapping instructions. However, if your child is not willing to cooperate with you, it can make it a little difficult. Some carries require the carrier to be made into a pouch for smaller babies, and it was a bit tricky for me to keep it in a pouch shape by myself. It was much easier when I had my husband help me by either holding the shape of the pouch, or placing our friends baby in it. The directions were clear, but trying to focus on those while chasing my toddler around was a bit difficult for me.

•Sizing: 4.5 out of 5
         I absolutely LOVE the fact that I don't have to pull on anything to make it tighter, then loosen it because I over tightened it by mistake. This is the perfect size, every time. When it starts to loosen up, it's simple to bring it back to it's original tightness- just wash and dry it. Which is a great way to kill 2 birds with one stone, so to speak. You wash it often enough so that it doesn't get dirty. The issue I have with sizing is that if you and your partner are different sizes, you may need to purchase two carriers. My husband has not tried this carrier yet, so I'm unable to say if he can comfortably wear it. He's taller and more solid than I am, so I'm not so sure this would fit him right. I'm hoping to find out soon.

•Cleaning: 5 out of 5
          This is the easiest carrier to clean, ever. Stick it in the washer on cold, and tumble dry on low. Easy!! No spot cleaning with special soap. No worrying if all the soap is out of the carrier. No worrying if you didn't dilute it properly. I use Tide if I wash it with my cloth diapers, or whatever detergent I have if I wash it with my clothes or by itself. 

•Portability: 5 out of 5
          The sash is actually the carrying case! If you turn the pouch inside out, the sides of the sash fit right in, as well as the carrier. It takes up little room in the diaper bag, and is a breeze to undo when it's time to use it. 

•Overall: Definitely give this a 4.5 out of 5. I much prefer it over my Boba 3G. The fact that it can be machine washed is awesome. The customer service is so personal. The fit is perfect. The only major complaint I have is that it isn't a one-size-fits-all. That would totally seal the deal, and make this a 5 star product.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

What a Christmas!

On Christmas Eve, we went over to my grandfathers house and had a fantastic time. I definitely miss the years where ALL of my aunts, uncles, and cousins would be together, but it was still a great time. The new generation:
Cousins Sofia and Mia- Chatting
 AJ and the girls- Mia, Sofia, Gabriella, and Gianna

After spending time with the fam, we made a quick stop at Walmart. The kids requested Lunchables, so we agreed. Plus, we needed to buy cookies since we didn't have any in the house (shocker, huh?). Cash out, home, eat, then ready for bed. After the kids went to bed, we set up. Normally, we put the presents under the tree as we wrap, but because Gianna is into everything, we didn't. 
The tree before     .....     after our gifts     .....     after Santa came.
            What a polite Santa!!

We had a few meltdowns. First thing Christmas morning, AJ had a fit. I can't remember what it was about, but it involved a lot of screaming, quite a bit of stomping, and some "THIS IS THE WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!". This was before presents were even opened. There are so many meltdowns and outbursts, that I don't remember what each and every one was specifically about, but I think that this one was because I told him he has to eat before we open gifts. Either way, it was uncalled for, and delayed present opening for an additional 10 minutes. After he calmed down, we ate then opened gifts.

After presents, they picked up ... sort of. Toys and clothes were brought to their room. Sofia immediately went ahead and painted her nails. AJ started up with his Nerf guns. Santa brought 2 for him, and we bought him another 2. That means that all of us (except for G), can play together! And that's what we did. Anthony, AJ, and I went after each other with the guns. Gianna played with her giraffe, and her books. Until she saw us laughing, and she wanted in on it. So, she stole a dart and started eating it. Yeah, not good. They were put back in his room after that. Gianna played on her new bouncy horse (daddy got in on the fun too, as you can see in the pic). A great time was had by all. After that, we went to the in-laws so the kids could open their gifts from her. At that point, my phone refused to open the camera, so I didn't get any pics. After fooling with it for a while, I was able to get it to work, but it was too late. They already opened their gifts. 

Gianna with uncle Chris          ....          All the kids with Grandma

After presents and dinner and some chit chat, Sofia and AJ stayed at Grandma's. They will be there until Friday. It's nice to see the kids spending time with Grandma and willingly wanting to go. It was a great Christmas, and I can't wait to do it all again next year. Only, this time, maybe I'll start my Christmas shopping earlier, have wrapping done earlier, and possibly put the gifts under the tree as we wrap. 

Stay tuned, as I'll be having 2 reviews coming up, and a giveaway as well!!! Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!!!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

I feel the urge to blog, but I have nothing to blog about. Not sure why. But, I'm going to blog anyways and let my fingers do the talking.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. The plans are for Anthony to go to work until 1 (yes, he has to work tomorrow), then we'll go to my Grandfathers house around 4ish or so. As long as I can remember, Christmas Eve was always spent at my Grandfathers with all of us. I miss all of my cousins there. We had such a blast. Going up to the top floor and hanging out, playing air hockey in the basement. Hide and seek throughout the house. I am sad that my kids won't have that same experience I had in that house. It's filled with many happy memories. As it is now, we live all over. I have family in the area, in Florida, in Connecticut. Some family members aren't talking to others. I just wish we could all go back to a simpler time and put everything to the side just once a year, at least. I miss having everyone in one house, celebrating together. I'm just glad I have the memories I do.

On the Christmas note, I'm still not 100% ready. There are still gifts to be wrapped, and others to be purchased. I'm waiting for some to still come in and have to mail one more out. I'm also relying on a Christmas diaper to come in the mail, hopefully tomorrow, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I always wait until the last minute to get things, even though I swear I'm going to start early. I thought I was doing good with wrapping gifts, until Sofia mentioned that tomorrow is Christmas Eve. *sigh* Thanks for popping my bubble, kiddo. 

Earlier today, we had a MASSIVE meltdown with AJ. He was upstairs SCREAMING at Sofia. I still don't know what it was all about. The way he was screaming made it hard to understand him. Something about a ball. There are 2 balls, exactly the same, that were given to the kids. They're inflatable, and look like globes. They seem to make a huge deal out of whose is whose, and I believe that's what the fight was about. Since they were fighting over them, they are now mine. Tonight, they will go in the trash. I have NEVER seen two children fight so horribly over these stupid inflatable balls!! Over anything, really. AJ stood outside of Sofia's door, screeching at the top of his lungs. I went up to see what the fuss was about, and he was at the point where he could barely breathe because of it. I sent him to his room, and told him to relax. That's when he started flinging himself all over. He looked like a fish out of water, flopping all over his bed, arms flailing, legs going every which way. It was all I could do to not laugh at him. I had to walk out. At that point, he flopped all over until he was on the floor. Then he decided to start banging the floor. Hands, feet, head, anything. Just downright awful. At that point, I sort of lost my temper, picked him up, put him on his bed, and yelled for him to take a nap. He fought me some more, throwing things at me and calling me names, but ultimately, he didn't leave his bed. I warned him that Christmas is in 2 days, and I CAN and WILL return his gifts and get something for myself since I haven't bought anything for me in a long time. Santa won't mind if I do the same with his gifts. I came downstairs, and took a 1.5 hour nap with Gianna.
I'm so over this nonsense with him. I am waiting for our insurance to approve the Intuniv so that I can start him on that. In the mean time, does anyone want to adopt a 5 (almost 6) year old?? 

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Classic Santa picture

I forgot that I could look at the actual picture online, so I did so just now. Talk about hilarious! Santa may have been a jerk to my kids, but this picture is just classic. Poor Gianna was just trying to get away from him! LOL Without further ado ... Enjoy!!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Doctors appointment update

Earlier today, we had appointments for Gianna and AJ. Gianna's went wonderfully. She is 24 lbs, 31 inches tall, and her head is 18.5 inches. She is in the 50th percentile for height, 50th for weight, and 70th for head. My big brained baby! She had 2 shots today (MMR and Varicella) and didn't cry at all. She whined for half a second at the second shot, but no tears! She's getting so big!!!

AJ, on the other hand, oy vey. I told his doctor how he is having difficulties. I explained what happened on the bus. I explained how AJ lied to me about what happened on the bus because he wanted to tell me a story. I told him how AJ just can't. sit. still. EVER. How he doesn't listen. How he stomps around when angry, hitting, throwing, screaming, yelling. I told him that the Adderall was doing nothing. I suggested a medication change. I told him how some moms in the ODD group I'm a part of on Facebook have used others with success. We have agreed that Risperdone would not be appropriate for him. But we are adding Intuniv to his Adderall, and we return in 2 weeks for a follow up to see how he's doing. I'm just hoping for a change in behavior. I'm tired of dreading the days. I'm tired of this knotting up feeling in my stomach when it's time for the kids to return from school. And most of all, I'm just tired of him arguing and fighting with me over EVERYTHING! I just want my sweet boy back!

On a different note, we took the kids to see Santa last night. While in line (long, long line), the kids were talking about what they were going to ask for, what they really wanted, what they wanted to say to him, and showing us how they were going to smile. When we FINALLY got to see him, he didn't even say hello. Didn't ask the kids what their names were. Didn't ask what they wanted. He didn't even make an effort to hold Gianna. He was irritated that Sofia wanted to stand to the side of him, and that AJ did as well. He put the stool in front of himself for AJ to sit there. Gianna started crying when I stepped back so that we could get the picture taken, and as soon as the guy took the pic, Santa was telling Sofia to "Just take her. Hurry up. Take her now. Go on." Really, Santa? I didn't know this until we got to the car. That's when they decided to let us know that he didn't even talk to them. Now AJ thinks that Santa hates him and he isn't getting anything from him. I explained that it wasn't the real Santa. There are too many malls for him to be in all at once, so he has helpers. Every night, these helpers go back to the North Pole and tell the real Santa about all the boys and girls that he saw that day. He bought that, but he's still nervous that this helper is going to forget to mention that he saw them since he didn't even ask their names. AJ may drive me insane, but this really upset me that he feels this way because of a crappy Mall Santa. Come to find out, he wasn't just rude to my kids. He was rude to a lot of kids. Last years Santa was so nice. He was there for years. He is surely missed.
                     Nice Santa                                                   Bad Santa

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

What. A. Day.

Yesterday morning, I had an appointment with my doctor regarding my meds. I was sure I just needed an increase in dosage, or a different medication altogether. Before the appointment, I decided I should probably go get the blood work done that she requested months ago. No fun. I hate hate HATE needles. In fact, I probably make a bigger scene than my children do. And I also ALWAYS ask for the butterfly needle. Actually, I don't ask. I outright tell them that the butterfly needle will be used, or I will not be poked.

Anyways, the appointment itself was not fun. I got to the doctor's earlier than the appt because I didn't want to sit there forever. I got in early, the nurse was wonderful. Dr P comes in. I like her, and I have never had a problem with her. But all of a sudden, she's acting like I'm an awful person. "Oh, you said the main source of your 'anxiety' is your*son*, right?" with a dirty look. I said "Yeah, he has a lot of problems and we're working on fixing them, but at this point, I wake up anxious to see how he's going to behave today. Then it starts all over again at 3:30 when the kids' buses are due home". She gives me a look and says "Well, are you doing anything to help the poor kid?" No, not at all. I'm just letting him, and myself, suffer. She goes back to the computer, types in a few things, then turns around, and says "Are you still breastfeeding her?" *scoff*. Yes, yes I am. I have no intentions to wean, so don't ask. She turns back around, scoffs again, and mutters something under her breath. I asked about the blood work I had done. While she was looking it up on her computer, we started talking about my weight and I said to her "I've never weighed over 100lbs a day in my life except for when I was pregnant. I weighed 118 full term with Sofia, 119 with AJ, and lost it instantly both times. I weighed 128 full term with G, and now, 15 months postpartum  I'm 143. I lost a bit of the baby weight after she was born, but gained it all back, and then some." She looked through the files on the computer then says "In 2009, you weighed 100lbs. Yeah, wow. What ha----. " ... Um, excuse me?? Glad you stopped yourself there. That's when she said she'd go call the lab and see if they can push the results through so that we know what's going on. She comes back 10 mins later and says "Well, I have good and bad news. Your thyroid is low. We can start you on medication to help regulate it." I'm not sure what the bad news was, but I find that to be great news. It means I'm not overeating. It means I'm not doing anything wrong. It means that there is a reason why I can't shake this weight, no matter what I do. 

I never thought I'd be more happy to hear that I have hypothyroidism. I started my new meds today, and am hoping to see results soon. I have weighed myself this AM (still 143), and am hoping to see the weight start dropping off. I'm still on the Zoloft, as she didn't think a change in medicine or dosage was in order just yet. Let's work on my thyroid, then we'll go from there. I did my research, though I admit, it was vague. All I know is my thyroid is low, I am not producing enough of something, and it can be caused by stress. Given the issues with my son, I am 100% certain that's the reason. It contributes to weight gain, feeling cold all the time (I just cranked the heat up to 78 and put a blanket on. I'm cold!), feeling tired, depressed, etc. Yes. This is me. Now, we wait and see. 6 weeks on this medication, then I go back for blood work and to see if my levels look better. Secretly, I'm hoping that the pills cause me to lose a ton of weight. I do NOT want to be back to 100lbs. Honestly, I don't. I have looked back through my pics, and see just how scrawny I really was. It was kind of gross. Ideally, I'd like to lose 20lbs minimum. 30 would be wonderful, but I'll take 20. I've been exercising. I have given up soda. Well, kind of. I allow myself a 20oz when and if I go to Walmart. That's it. Otherwise, no soda. I have been cutting back on how much I eat at a time. I'm still hungry often. What I need to do is start bringing my water bottle down and drinking it. It's a 64oz bottle. I should be drinking more. Maybe I'll be able to cut back on how much I actually eat if I increase my water intake.

I've no doubt in my mind that I can do this. I just have to find the motivation. That is awful hard when you're feeling as low as I am. The only time I actually feel like REALLY cleaning, is when I am expecting someone to come over and I don't want them to see my mess. It's not like I have garbage and food and dishes and what not all over. It's just ... toys. And books, clothes, papers. I clean up, and within minutes, my kids destroy it again. Yesterday, I picked up the books off the floor FIVE times. Each time I picked them up, Gianna tore them back down. Pick them up, tear them down, put them away, throw them on the floor, over and over. I gave up. I also have about 6 bins of clothing that I need to fold and put away. Yes, I wash and dry, but I don't sort then fold! It's 2012 ... didn't they invent a folder, yet??? I need one, so someone get a move on inventing it. My kids whine too much, so I can't have them do it *sigh* Maybe I'll get to it today ... Maybe.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

At the risk of sounding like an uncaring bitch ...

Let me start by saying, what happened is devastating. It should have never happened. I couldn't imagine being one of those parents who won't be celebrating Christmas with my precious baby. 

But, I'm tired of hearing about it. My entire FB news feed is full of nothing but posts about it, videos, pictures, etc. I understand, it could happen to any of us. I agree, it's scary. I know, we need to do what we can to protect our babies. But the reality is, posting about it 100 times is not going to change it. It's not going to make the world a safer place. It's not going to bring all those children back and their teachers. It's not going to make criminals stop and think before they do this again. It just isn't going to do anything.

I keep reading people saying "How am I supposed to send my kids back to school on Monday?". For me, it's more like "I can't wait until Monday to send my kids back to school." While I do worry that something might happen to them on the way, while in, or on their way back, I do not let it consume me. I don't dwell on it. I refuse to live my life in fear. Of this, or anything. It isn't fair to me, or my kids.

And another thing, I find it EXTREMELY irresponsible to outright tell your young kids that a man walked into the school and shot up a bunch of students and teachers because he had mommy issues. A friend of mine recently informed her child of just that. Why? Because she wanted to watch the news and he didn't want to leave the room. I don't watch the news around my kids for that reason. Sofia is really sensitive and emotional. I don't need to add unneeded stress and worry to her life. And AJ just assumes the worst no matter what. I don't need them crying when it's time to go to school, worried that they might not ever make it back. That is the WORST thing you can do for your kids. If they overhear someone talking about it, and ask questions, then sure, please do put it into age appropriate words, and explain that they are safe. I don't want to make this any less than what it is, but a school shooting is not an every day thing. It doesn't happen in every community, every day or even every month. I agree that it happened far more than it needed to, but the grim reality is, it doesn't happen often enough to scare our children into thinking they might be next.

I fully, 100% understand if you think I'm a cold hearted bitch over this. That's fine. I feel like one. But, that doesn't change that I think we're over-worrying about it all. It doesn't change the fact that I'm so sick of reading about it. It doesn't change the fact that my Facebook is all depressing with 100 posts a day about it. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know I'm not the only one who is tired of reading about it. I know that come Monday, I'll still be sending my kids to school, not worried about whether I'll see them again. All I can do is let my children know that I do love them.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Sometimes, it feels like it never stops

I have no idea what to blog about right now, so I'm letting my fingers take over. Ange style. 

Gianna has a cold. Thank God for Boogie Wipes. I think we went through a whole pack of them this AM alone. She can hardly breathe, but she wants to nurse the whole day away. She's finally asleep, but I doubt it will be for long. She never naps long when she's sick. 10 mins here, 5 there. I have her buckled in her car seat because I'm waiting for Anthony to come home for lunch so that I can run to Walmart and pick up some window plastic stuff. There's a draft coming in from the windows, and even with the heat cranked up to 78, it's still pretty cold in here. She's still in PJs, so I'll just keep her in her car seat if she does happen to wake up.

Speaking of being sick. AJ isn't feeling so well either. AJ and Sofia spent Saturday night over at Grandma's house. We get a call early Sunday that we need to pick them up. AJ isn't feeling well, and he looks like he might puke. Anthony goes to get them, and brings back his sisters as well. Poor AJ is burning up. I have no idea what his temperature was because I only have one thermometer. That one is Gianna's. I'm sure you can figure out where it's used. So, yeah, no mouth for AJ. I gave him some Tylenol anyways because I can tell he has a pretty high fever. Poor boy crashed for a few hours on the couch. Yesterday, before school, I noticed his eye was red. Pink eye? Too much rubbing? Did he poke it? He says it doesn't hurt, so I sent him to school anyways. I figured if he had pink eye, they'd call me and let me know. For the record, I HATE parents who send their obviously sick kid to school. But at this point, I'm battling illness with Gianna, and I don't need her to get any sicker. So, now I am that parent. Anyways, they don't think it's pink eye, and if it is, then it's viral, which means no medication is going to help.

Christmas shopping is almost all done. I completed Dad's shopping for the kids while they were at Grandma's. They'll be excited! I, I mean, HE bought some pretty awesome stuff for them. Sofia wanted the Monster High create-a-monster lab, so that's her big gift. AJ wanted a Hot Wheels wall track, so there's his. I can't remember what he bought for G, but I know she'll love it because she was with me and I let her pick lol Some clothes from him as well, and they're all set! Anthony and I only have to get a few more things for them, and we'll be done as well. A few books for each of them. A refill pack for Sofia's monster lab, some cars for AJs track, and some books/blocks for G, and we're done! I'm not sure what we're planning on doing for siblings, but we have to get a little something for each of them. Luckily, Anthony gets paid one more time before the month is over, so we can use this whole check for gifts.

I am attempting to learn to crochet, but it isn't working out well for me. Anthony seems to be catching on quicker. My goal was to learn so that I can sell things as a supplement to our income, but looks like that isn't going to happen. *sigh* I keep trying, and I keep failing. I have a few friends trying to help me out, but I need in-person help. This is probably something that should have been learned long ago. Doesn't help that I have texture issues, and the yarn is one thing that bothers my hands. I get the chills when ever I touch it. I'm hoping to overcome it though.

Not only am I attempting to learn that, I'm also trying to lose weight. I've never been over 100lbs a day in my life, expect for when I'm pregnant. My highest was 128 when I was full term with Gianna, but after having her, I kept gaining. I'm not losing any, and I can't stand it. It was a HUGE slap in the face when I went looking for new jeans for me and the ones that I thought would only be a size bigger than I am were not even fitting over one leg. I NEVER thought that would be me. I've been too worried with Gianna's sickness that I haven't had time to worry about myself, and I see just how much I've been slacking. Though no one really comes out and says "DAMN!! You're fat now!", I can hear it in their voice and see it in their eyes. I hate it. Some even say I look better with some weight n me than before. I went looking through old pics and I have to admit that I was really skinny ... TOO skinny. It was kind of gross looking back on just how tiny I was. I'll be happy if I can lose at least 20 pounds. 30 would be nice, but 20 would be my minimum. Hopefully, I'll be skinnier than Ange though silly Shouldn't be too hard, since she's been slacking like a mo-fo. I just need to get G's toys out of the living room and put my new game in the Wii (thanks, dad!) and get moving. I'm sure it won't take too long!

Speaking of picking up and cleaning, I cleaned the living room while G was napping. You'd never be able to tell. Within 10 minutes of her waking up, she destroyed it. Then the other 2 came home from school and made it worse. AND to make it worse, when I left to go hang out with my friend for a bit, I asked Anthony to put plastic over the windows to stop the drafts from making this place cold (even with the heat cranked up to 78), and when I got back, it was worse. Aye. I give up. I need someone with serious organizational skills to come and help me put this place back in order!!!

Anyways, random blogging aside, I am done for today. I think it's long enough, and I want to get started on this mess ... yet again. 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

ADHD and my son

I posted about how my son has SPD. Well, now I want to talk about his ADHD. Eventually, I will move on to his ODD. I've been putting this off for the longest time now, and I'd like to get it finished up and posted. My apologies for slacking.
This drawing represents my son. He's always on the move (hyperactive). My son is driven by a motor. Remember those Energizer Bunny commercials? Yeah, well ... that's my son. Only 100x faster. He goes goes goes goes goes. It's just awful. There ARE different types of ADHD as well. There is:

ADHD predominately inattentive:
  • Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes.
  • Has difficulty sustaining attention.
  • Does not appear to listen.
  • Struggles to follow through on instructions.
  • Has difficulty with organization.
  • Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort.
  • Loses things.
  • Is easily distracted.
  • Is forgetful in daily activities.

ADHD predominately hyperactive/impulsive:
  • Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in chair.
  • Has difficulty remaining seated.
  • Runs about or climbs excessively.
  • Difficulty engaging in activities quietly.
  • Acts as if driven by a motor.
  • Talks excessively.
  • Blurts out answers before questions have been completed.
  • Difficulty waiting or taking turns.
  • Interrupts or intrudes upon others.

And then there's combined, where the individual meets all those criteria listed above. AJ is combined. Every single one of those characteristics is in my boy. He cannot listen, cannot sit still, cannot STAND to not be first in anything- telling daddy good night, brushing his teeth, getting in the car, etc. He shakes his feet/legs when he sits. He constantly bounces between chores/activities because he can't remember what he was doing, or he thinks it's too hard so he just stops doing it. He's constantly climbing the punching bag we have, always running around the house and jumping on the furniture. And so on. It's very hard. Medication is not helping. We're still in the trial and error phase, so we're working on it.

From Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (I am choosing to paste only a bit from that site. Mainly what I feel important, and what pertains to us):
  • Parents report that approximately 9.5% or 5.4 million children 4-17 years of age have ever been diagnosed with ADHD, as of 2007.
  • The percentage of children with a parent-reported ADHD diagnosis increased by 22% between 2003 and 2007.
  • Boys (13.2%) were more likely than girls (5.6%) to have ever been diagnosed with ADHD. The highest rates of parent-reported ADHD diagnosis were noted among children covered by Medicaid and multiracial children. 
  • Parents report that children with a history of ADHD are almost 10 times as likely to have difficulties that interfere with friendships (20.6% vs. 2.0%).
  • A higher percentage of parents of children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder reported non-fatal injuries (4.5% vs. 2.5% for healthy children).
How does that pertain to my son? Or our family in general.
*Well, he has a hard time with keeping friends. Sure, he's well liked for the most part. He's outgoing, and friendly (when he wants to be). But he's not very nice most of the time. Because he's so pushy and has to be first with everything, his friends see his meltdowns. He can't always be first at school. He might always be first at home, but I can't control his 'pecking order' at school. I'm sure he has his melt-downs, and he most likely gets picked on for his tantrums.
*He's ALWAYS getting hurt. Climbing the baby gate to keep Gianna out of the kitchen is usually when he gets hurt. He sits on the gate, it wobbles, and he goes FLYING. He's fallen off of the gate more times in this week that I can count. It happens at least 3 times a day. Usually 3 times in a row. Why he continues to do it makes no sense to me.
*My husband is one of 6 kids. There are 3 boys, and 3 girls. Out of them all, all 3 boys have ADHD, and 2 of the girls have it. I have 2 girls and 1 boy. Only my boy has it.
*Only my husband was diagnosed as an adult. His 4 siblings with ADHD and our son were diagnosed at 5 years old.

ADHD has taken its toll on our family. While I love AJ with all of my heart, he also drives me INSANE. I do not like his behavior. I do not like that he doesn't stay still. I can't stand that he's always on the go. I wish he would just sit still sometimes. Be a normal, 21st century kid- watch TV!!!! But, my son is not that kind of kid. He just has to move around. Unfortunately, it's not the ADHD that is his problem. The problem is his ODD. It's a very tough situation for him. One that he doesn't understand half of the time. It's also, believe it or not, hard for us to understand. Hard for us to remember. We all have dreams of having the perfect child. My son is not perfect. But, he's my son nonetheless. 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

So, here it is ...

December 8th, and I'm still not done with the ADHD/ODD blog. I'm at that point where I'm still learning a LOT about it. I've also hit a point where my son has completely went off his rocker and I am not sure how to proceed. I've kind of put blogging to the back burner until I can help him. Unfortunately, I can't disclose any details of what happened exactly, because this is a problem that will likely get a lot of judgement and the last thing I want is judgement when I'm not even sure about the correct plan of action. He is a little boy with a lot of problems. He is in need of serious counselling, and possibly therapy. I am going to be seeking SSI/D for him to make sure that he gets all services he needs. I've found that without it, the specialists don't take cases seriously. I plan on trying anything and everything to help my son.

On a different note, Gianna had her appointment with her Hematologist on Thursday. We have been going every 2 months to keep an eye on her blood counts and to watch her spleen to make sure it isn't enlarging any. Her counts at this appointment were wonderful! I don't have the paper in front of me, but I believe her hemaglobin was up to a 10. The highest it's ever been was a 9, and that was at the last appt 2 months ago. Her counts keep rising, and I think it's because of the donor milk we use. Her spleen is still normal size, no yellowing of her skin or eyes, no serious illnesses. She is just fantastic! Because she's had so many awesome appointments, we are now down to appointments every 3 months! Truly wonderful news. 

Yet again, on a different note, we had the money and the means to rent a car to travel up to her appointment, but apparently you need a reservation for a car. The woman who I spoke with, in person, told me that you did NOT need a reservation. Which meant we had to take the risk of taking my car up to the appointment, and praying we made it up there and back. Luckily, we did. The car fought me. Smelled gross. Jerked and sputtered, but we made it. Now, if only we can make it until February. There's a van I saw that I want to buy, and it's pretty cheap, but we don't have the money for it just yet. I doubt it will be there when February rolls around. Hopefully, it will be though.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Seriously need to quit slacking

I have a blog in progress about ADHD and ODD and my son. I don't want to post it until I'm all done with it, and I'm 100% satisfied with the end result. I don't want to paint a bad picture, but I don't want people to be misinformed. It takes a lot of work.

In the meantime, I've been slacking on blogging. I'm busy trying to bust my behind to get ready for Christmas. We are on one income, and our bills are falling behind. So, we aren't able to do as much as we want to, when we want to. I've been finding some pretty good deals on the virtual yard sale sites, and most of the stuff is still in great condition. They'll be passed off as Christmas gifts. I'm now looking to list my kids outgrown clothes in hopes of selling them cheap enough that people buy them, yet enough for me to make something off of them. 

Tomorrow, we make the 1.5 hour trip out to the Children's Hospital for Gianna's hematology appointment. She has Hereditary Spherocytosis, so we have to see a specialist every so often. Since she has been doing so well, we go once every 2 months. Unfortunately, because my car is not running properly, we're set back another $100+ because we need to rent a car. I'm hoping she's still doing well, because there is no way I can afford another rental to go back up in a week or 2. And we can't afford to fix my car until income tax season. I'm actually hoping to sell my car (or junk it/trade it in), so that I can get a new car. Not brand new. I'll never be able to afford brand new. But new to me. I need something a little more reliable than my POS Dodge Neon. It's served me well over the years, so I really can't complain too much. It's a 2004, so it's been around quite some time. My dad bought it brand new for me, and I think I've gotten more than enough out of it. Multiple trips from here (NY) to my mothers in Maine before she passed away. 2 to 3 times a year. Also 2 trips to NYC every year. I've put a ton of miles into her. It's just time to find another car that will last me until my kids are older and I don't have to worry about G so much so that I may work and earn more money towards things we need.

Until then, I need to get on it and get these clothes listed. And maybe soon I'll actually get to work on the ADHD/ODD post. Wish us luck for tomorrow!

Monday, December 3, 2012

I never thought I'd say ...

I saw a few posts going around FB about things mothers thought they'd never say, and I figured I'd write my own. Of course, with some help from some of my friends :)
  1. Get your hands out of your mouth AND your pants!
  2. If I give you money, will you shut up?
  3. Seriously, stop wearing your brothers underwear (AW)
  4. Quit smearing poop on the walls!
  5. Did you SERIOUSLY just write your name on the wall and blame it on the baby??
  6. Don't make me turn this car around!! (LE)
  7. I swear on all things holy, I will beat you in front of God and everyone and I HOPE they call CPS. (AW)
  8. Quit running away from me! I just want to get the booger out of your nose!
  9. Just get any socks on. As long as they're the same color, I don't care.
  10. I don't care if you're playing pet and owner. Get the belt/string/collar/blanket/cord OFF of your neck!
  11. Tie the floss around your tooth and I'll slam the door for you.
  12. No, I don't have a tissue. Just wipe your nose on your sleeve.
  13. Keep wearing socks to bed. Your feet will turn green and fall off.
  14. There's a monster in the basement that will come up if you don't stop your crap.
  15. Did you put deodorant on today? (No, I lost it) How do you lose deodorant?! Oh well. Just use a baby wipe and some baby powder.
  16. You'll eat what I give you or go to bed hungry! (TL)
  17. If you don't take care of that hair, we'll chop it ALL off! (TL)
  18. You wait until your father gets home! (KS)
  19. A little bit of spit will get that right off! (right KS? lol)
  20. Why are you wearing 2 pairs of underwear?
  21. Great. I got poop on my hands again. *sigh* Hand me another wipe, would ya?

What are some things you've said that you never thought you would?

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Do you ever get so overwhelmed ...

That you just can't stand it? That's where I'm at right now. Ever since having Gianna, I've been a wreck. I don't think it's PPD, as it's more in response to my sons issues. He started acting up shortly before Gianna was born. After she came along, it only got worse. We assumed it was jealousy, and that he'd get over it. Well, we were wrong. He hasn't 'gotten over it'. In fact, he's only gotten worse. He adores Gianna, and is really great with her most of the time. So this is beyond jealousy.

But what does that have to do with being overwhelmed? Well, I am on Zoloft to help me deal. And when I don't take it, every little thing irritates me. I am not proud of it, and I often hate myself for it after the fact. But I just can't HELP it when it happens. I try and try to hold it in, but that only makes me more upset and more full of rage and anger. So, I yell at my kids, I slam drawers and doors. I stomp my feet. I scoff under my breath. Any time I get like this, NOTHING can snap me out of it. Literally nothing. Not even Ange trying to be the voice of reason to make me feel better. It just doesn't work.

What happened today? I am not sure, honestly. All I know is that I asked Sofia to PLEASE stay down stairs for an hour so that if I happen to doze off, that Gianna would be okay. I am exhausted, which only makes my problem worse. Anthony has taken to watching a new show on Netflix (new to us) called Breaking Bad, and it's actually REALLY good. So, instead of being a normal human being and going to bed at a decent time, I stay up to watch it until he's done. Which means we go to bed at 1, but I'm awake until 2 or 3, listening to him snore or trying to convince myself that I really am tired. Yesterday, I struggled to stay awake long enough to go to our WIC appt, and drive back home. It really was hard. Today, it was more of a struggle as I went looking for a certain car rental place (I'll explain that one in a bit). It took me a while to find it, and by the time I did find it, I was even more tired, and really irritated. I did errands all day, and every stop I went to along the way meant I had to spend more and more money. It was a little depressing. So, as the errands were completed, the money went as well. It hit me hard as I realized that the $60 that is left in my bank account is not enough for ANYTHING. Not for Christmas presents, not for a new coat that Sofia desperately needs, not for boots that fit AJ, or boots for Gianna. NOTHING.

Maybe my ass is depressed. Maybe I need something stronger than the Zoloft. Maybe I need a higher dose. I do know that I need some help with these kids. And I'm so exhausted that I lost my train of thought. UGH Anyways ... I asked Sofia to PLEASE stay down here to keep an eye on her. Just for an hour. It was a little after 4, I just wanted to close my eyes until 5, and not worry about Gianna getting in trouble. It wasn't the fact that she didn't want to (after all, what 9 year old really wants to sort-of babysit their 1 year old sister?), it was the fact that she hastily WHINED about it "I don't want tooooooooo. I just wannnnnnnaaaaa goooo upstairrrrrrs." Complete with the pouty face, looking down, and bouncing as she whines. Reriously?? Get out of my face. I've had it. Go to your room, and don't come out. She wasn't even doing anything. G was just sitting on the couch, leaning against me. I'm sure she would have fallen asleep too, but just in case, it would have been nice to not have to FORCE myself to stay awake. I could have caved in, even for just an hour. Nope, mom can't get that. Then AJ started with his crap- jumping around, making snide comments to Sofia (ha-ha, you're in trouble. neener neener.) Reriously again?! You too, get out of my face and take your butt to your room. Don't come out. Then, as I'm trying to get G a bottle of milk, she starts SCREAMING and climbing the gate. RERIOUSLY?! You too now??? Soooooo over this. I took her off the gate, kind of muttered something under my breath about how it must be nice that the hubby is at work and out galavanting around without the kids when he gets out, yadda yadda yadda.

The final straw? The thing that REALLY set me off?? I called Walgreens to see if my prescription was called in yet- the Zoloft I haven't had for a week and definitely need it. The pharmacist says no. IT WAS NEVER CALLED IN!!!! I called on Monday, and was told it would be called in within 24-48 hours. I lost it and broke down in tears. I know this is not me. I need help. I can't stand feeling like this. I hate feeling like my kids are on my nerves. It's not fair to them, and it's not fair to me. Luckily, the pharmacist said there was an Rx on hold from a little over 2 months ago when my insurance was saying I wasn't eligible and had no coverage. Thank God they didn't toss out the prescription. I text hubby and tell him that he needs to take one of the kids with him, and also pick up my pills. I need them for tomorrow, and I refuse to act like a royal bitch for one more day. I am over this nonsense, and I want to feel like myself again. I'm overwhelmed, I'm stressed to the max, and I am just slowly losing myself.

Now, as to why we need a rental car ... my car has been acting funky lately. The check engine light came on a while ago. I took it to my brothers and he tinkered around with it. He says he didn't do anything to it, but the check engine light went off after he fiddled around. It was off for a while afterward. We assumed the problem was fixed. Nope, it's back with a vengeance. Gianna has an appointment with her hematologist for her blood disorder on December 6th. I'm afraid my car won't make it the 70ish miles we need to go to get to the Children's Hospital where her specialists office is. So, since my car is getting to that point where it isn't even worth it to fix it up anymore, I figured it'd be a better move to rent a car for the 5 hours or so we'd be traveling to and from, and the time spent at the appointment. Well, every place we've looked at requires a $300 deposit, and remember what I said ... we have $60 left in the bank. That means no rental. I spent $30 on a Camshaft sensor at the recommendation of my stepdad, so I'm REALLY hoping that's all it needs. He will be putting it on tomorrow, and if that doesn't work, then I am going to bawl my eyes out. 

Anthony has never been to one of Gianna's appointments, so he isn't 100% sure what goes on. He already took the day off, but if it comes down to it, he'll have to go to work, and my father will have to drive G and I up there. It would mean the world to Anthony and I for him to finally be able to go to one appointment. So, I'm hoping that changing the Camshaft sensor works. If not, I might just have to sell one of my kids. Or start a donation fund. Anyone wanna contribute?! silly

Last 3 days- 28, 29, 30

I'm not sure what to really say other than I am thankful this month is over. Hubby can finally shave his no-shave-November beard. I can stop wracking my brain to think of things that are blog worthy to be thankful for. So, let me try to figure something out.

I am thankful for my wonderful giveaway sponsors. If you have a Facebook account, and haven't yet liked these pages, please feel free to!
Designs by MRS | Hand Stamped Jewelry
Boogie Wipes
Habie Babie Bows

I'm thankful that I'm able to provide the milk my daughter needs to stay healthy. I'm also thankful that, even though I had to fight for it, WIC is allowing me to borrow a pump again for as long as I need it.

I am thankful for my wonderful friends who allow me to be myself. Cursing, inappropriate jokes, hysterical laughter, and all of my flaws. I truly do have some of the most wonderful friends out there. Whether they are friends I see often (or not too often any more), or friends who I've met through Facebook. They all have a place in my heart, and they are all awesome. 

I am thankful for the wonderful family I have- my husband drives me nuts sometimes, but he really is fantastic. We have our ups and downs, but we push through them, and stick by each other. We have 3 beautiful kids together. (Yes, for all of you crap talkers, they ARE his biological kids.) My father is a fantastic man. Him and I had our differences as well, but I'll always be daddy's little girl, no matter how old I am. No matter how old he is. I couldn't ask for a better father, or a better grandfather to my kids. I had a wonderful mother. She and I also had our squabbles, and fought often, but at the end of the day, I knew how much she loved me, and I hope she knew how much I loved her. I think of her often, and miss her dearly. My brother is the best brother ever. I wish I saw him more, and could seeing that we live only 10 minutes apart. We're both busy- him with work and friends, me with my family, but I hope he knows just how much he means to me. He's amazing. My stepfather is an awesome man as well. Yes, I still call my brother's father my stepfather. Sure, he's technically not but that man has helped raise me since I was little. I don't care what anyone says, he will always be my dad. I can go to him with whatever and he'll still help me out. 

This month has given me lots to think about, and a lot to be thankful for. I know I haven't even touched on half of what I'm thankful for. It's just something that's hard to put into words. I'm thankful that all of you have been there for me, reading my posts, commenting, entering my giveaways. It really means the world to me!