Monday, March 24, 2014

5 long years

5 years. 5 years have passed since you left us. How do I put into words how I feel? I don't. There simply are not enough words to explain how I feel. Guess I can try my best.

There is just too much that I'm feeling. Hurt, anger, sadness, empty, regret. My biggest regret is the fight we had shortly before you died. We both said things we didn't mean. If I could take it back, I would.

I am so glad that I never deleted the voicemail you left for Sofia, wishing her a happy birthday. Whenever we miss you, I just play the voicemail so that we can hear your voice. It's like you never left us.

Oh, the things I wish you could see. Sofia is 11 now. Eleven! Can you believe it?! She is a beautiful young lady. You would be so proud of her. Student of the month, multiple times. Her teacher adores her. He says she is the best student he's ever had. Every single teacher Sofia has had absolutely loved her. She is a bright young lady. Of course, we have had our fair share of struggles. I guess this is karma for what I put you through, huh?

AJ is 7 now. We have many struggles with him, and I wish you were still here to help me. You would know what to do, how to help manage it. You always did have great ideas, even if I didn't want to admit it. He is such a smart young man. Very loving when he wants to be. He would have smothered you with love.

I wish you would have had the chance to meet Gianna. She is a mini Sofia. You would have fallen in love with her. You likely would have been super protective of her as well, seeing that she has the same blood disorder we have. You would have been able to reassure me when she was ill and I didn't know what to do.

Oh Mom. I miss you so much. There's so much I want to talk to you about. So much that I want to ask you, and get your advice on. I just can't believe you're gone. I love you so much ♥

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