Friday, March 14, 2014

A visit from CPS??

My apologies for not blogging recently. I truly appreciate all of the emails and FB messages from fans who were worried that something was wrong. Truth is, a lot was wrong. I struggled with writing this, as this is something that is VERY personal. But, I figured I'd get it out.

A few months back, I took custody of 3 of my cousins. Because there was an active ACS (Administration for Children's Services) case in NYC, I assumed that when CPS came knocking on my door that it was a case transfer. I had no reason to believe otherwise, and our worker was very nice. He explained to me that he was just here to check up on the kids, and make sure they were receiving the care necessary. G was enrolled in school, all three had their first check up with a new doctor, they had their own sleeping space, clean weather-appropriate clothes, plenty of food, no concerns from him.

The first visit from him was back in late November. Which is what made me believe that it was a transfer from the ACS case. He gave no impressions that it wasn't. He came, explained that he was here to check on the girls, and we spoke a bit about the situation. Because we were still adjusting to a family of 8 instead of 5, life was a bit hectic. I still had the girls' clothes in the foyer because I was trying to find a dresser or another thing to keep their clothes in. Not only that, but there were toys and books all over. We had an appointment, so in order to make it on time, we rushed out and left the toys and books all over the place. When we returned, our worker was here waiting for us.

Of course, since we left without picking up the mess, I knew what was waiting on the other side of the door. I did tell D, our worker, about the mess. He said nothing as we went into the house. He took a look around. I took him into the kitchen to show him the fridge and cabinets that were full. We went up to the room where the girls were sleeping in so that he could see that they did have a bed. We went into my oldest daughter's room so he could see where my kids were sleeping (Gianna in her crib, Sofia in her bed, AJ on his mattress on the side of Sofia's bed). I showed him the bathroom where the toilet was clean, toilet paper was stocked, and we had plenty of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash, along with toothbrushes and toothpaste. We came back downstairs to the living room, playroom, and foyer. We discussed the toys and books around, and talked about what I could put the girls' clothes in. His conclusion? Nothing out of the ordinary, but because the girls are new to me, he would come by and visit while the case was still open. Sure, not a problem.

Fast forward a few months. Tuesday, March 4th- Apparently, while I was out and about taking care of things, D came by for a visit. He left his card in the door and had wrote what time he came and asked me to call. I called him as soon as I got the card (6pm, even though I knew the office was closed). I left a message, but I didn't receive a call back the rest of the week. I did call him a few more times just in case he was still waiting for me to call him. Monday, March 10th, I finally got a phone call from him. He apologized for not getting back to me as he was out of the office, but wanted to set up another visit. Sure, not a problem. We scheduled it for that same day, once the kids were home.

Shortly after the kids came home, D came over. I let him in, and we did the same ol' routine- check the fridge, cabinets, bedrooms, bathroom, living room, play room. After that, we stood in the foyer and chatted. It was only at that time that I found out this was not a transfer case. I was asking D for help in getting G into therapy. Since ACS mandated it in NYC, and I have custody, I have been trying to call the mental health clinic to get her in. They never return my calls. I told D about this, and asked if he could help me. He asked if I called ACS to ask for their help. I told him I did, but they said that they transferred the case up here and I needed to speak with our local worker, so I was asking him for assistance. He informed me that he was unaware of the case being transferred. I said to him "So, this is a transfer case? Someone called on me??" and he replied "Well, I'm not a long term caseworker. I am a 'someone reported you so I need to investigate' worker."

Hmm, well, that changes a LOT of things. At that point, I knew what had happened. And I know EXACTLY who it was who called. I turned to my husband and said "Well, that explains a lot. I should have known." D asked if I had problems with someone. I told him about this person who called, told him about the FB messages she sent me, and the jealousy I'm sure she is feeling which is what prompted the calls. I read a few of the messages to him and told him why I suspected her. Unfortunately, he couldn't tell me who it was anyways, as he isn't allowed to, but he didn't have to. The look on his face said more than enough.

So, I guess the only thing left to do is thank the person who called. Yeah, you read that right. I can only say "Thank you" to her. Why? Because D has a HUGE role in helping the courts determine who should have custody of the girls. Because YOU decided to call on me, with ridiculous claims, the court ordered custody should be finished faster than without it. Because YOU decided to call on me, I don't have to worry about whether I'm not providing or doing enough for them. You have also opened up a whole world of assistance for me. Even though he is closing the case as "unfounded", when I need help with services for these girls, I am able to call and D will do what he can to make it easier. Why did I not think of calling myself!?

Oh, and P.S.- It's NOT "child abuse" to still nurse your 2.5 year old. Nor is it abusive to keep said 2.5 year old rear facing, or the 7 year old in a 5 point harnessed car seat. But thanks for your concern!!


  1. Someone called that Child Abuse?! Geez. You know what? The more and more time I spend around my friends, both with healthy children and those with special needs children, I've learned a few things:
    1) Parents are the biggest bullies in the world... To other parents. Honestly, can't we just get along and agree to disagree on some things????
    2) Each child is soooo different, especially if they are being compared to kids outside their own family. I would NEVER try to compair one of my sons to AJ. It's not fair. Not much about their life is the same, so of course they aren't going to be either.
    3) People really really need to grow up, keep their thoughts to themselves, and instead of criticize, ask if they are confused, or don't understand. I mean, don't we tell our kids that the way to learn is to ask questions? So why do we forget that just because we are now adults?

    1. Parents really are. The sad thing is, this girl used to be a friend of mine. I mean, I didn't hang out with her, but we used to talk often- about our kids, what was going on in our lives, our SOs, etc. I regret telling her ANYTHING, because she twisted things I said so badly and REALLY made me look like an awful person. I lost quite a few friends because of her. Of course, no one could bother to come to me about what she was saying behind my back except for one friend. That's how I knew she was talking crap and bragging about calling CPS. I wish these other "friends" would have done the same, or at least asked about the allegations said before deciding to believe someone they don't know personally. It's okay, it really did make me realize who my REAL friends are.

  2. Wow that is crazy! I'm sorry you had "friends" betray you like that. Fortunately it sounds like only good is coming from it. Keep on doing the awesome job you are doing and keep on nursing that sweet baby. xoxo Rebecca Alms


Thanks for stopping by! I love to see your comments! Please remember to keep them family friendly! Spam comments will not be posted. Neither will comments that are insulting or degrading.