Thursday, June 6, 2013

What the funk?!

Sorry I have been MIA lately. Things have just been not right with me. I'm totally in a funk, and hoping to snap out of it soon. My Zoloft has been upped to 200 mg at my last appt, but I still feel like it's not helping much. I take it at night because it makes me really sleepy. I'd rather not fall asleep during the day while Gianna is awake, or while I'm doing errands. I also have a really hard time sleeping at night, so I spend quite a bit of time just laying there, exhausted, but unable to sleep. Like the other night, for example.

I forgot that G had leaked out of her diaper when we woke up. Hubby refused to move off the sheets so I could wash them, but promised me he would take them off when he actually got up. He never did take them off, and I was so busy with everything else that I forgot about them. Until it was bedtime, of course. Gianna decided to wake at 1, so that's when we headed to bed (early for us). Since we had to change the bedding at that time, when I remembered, Gianna assumed that it was playtime. Hubby tried to go right to sleep after, but G would not let him. She was tossing, and turning, and kicking, and jumping, and laughing, and just playing in general. He and I got into an argument, and I told him to get out and go sleep on the couch if it was that big of a deal. He did. Which left more empty space for Gianna to jump and play on. She didn't go to sleep until close to 5. I'm not even sure what time she fell asleep, because I was too tired to even stay up any later than that.

I was also up crying and being sad most of that time. I'm not sure why, but I started thinking about my mother. I miss her incredibly. She passed away March 24, 2009. 3 days after Sofia's 6th birthday. The day before my Father's birthday. I'm not sure what made me think of her the other day, as nothing significant happened that I'd want to tell her about. Other than that I still have regret over our last conversation. The huge fight we got int. My mother and I were two totally different people, and we clashed terribly. We were just complete polar opposites. It's something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Anyways, today was a pretty good day. Had some running around to do. Took my SIL to her appt, visited my dad at work for a bit, got a box of toothpaste sent to me via FedEx (24 tubes! All for free!!), went to Sofia's Science Fair, then came home and put the kids to bed. Of course, AJ had his moments today, but he moved on quickly from them. Gianna has been pretty restless lately. I put her to bed at 8:30 with the other kids, and she has already woken twice. I am trying to get her to sleep through the night, so instead of running upstairs and picking her up as soon as she cries, I took my sweet time, and then just laid her back down. I don't believe in CIO, so that didn't even cross my mind. Not to mention, Sofia and her share a room. Sofia has school tomorrow, so I can't have G waking her up. Luckily, she laid back down fairly easy and I rubbed her back until she fell back to sleep. I am hoping to head up to bed myself so that I can get some sleep in before she wakes up.

 All my free toothpaste!

Science Fair. She and a friend did their project on Saturn. Sofia made the planet, her friend did the research.

I am hoping to get out of this funk soon. I'd really like to get back to myself and get back to blogging. I have so much to say, but no motivation to get it done. 

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