Wednesday, October 17, 2012

It's my page, so why do I feel so restricted?

I apologize ahead of time. This is going to be long because I need some place to vent.

Facebook is supposed to be my page, right? Well, my profile, anyways. I have the mouth of a sailor, but because I have family on my FB, I try not to curse. I might slip and write something mild, but I try to avoid the F word at all costs (unless I'm on Ange's wall winky). But now I feel like I have to sensor myself further. I am VERY pro-breastfeeding, and encourage it at every opportunity. I am VERY into car seat safety. As for circumcision? I'll leave that for an entire paragraph on it's own. I do CIO, but a different version. I believe in bedsharing. I like to wear my baby when I can. I cloth diaper. I have a specific way I do things, and I feel like I can't share anything like that on MY OWN FACEBOOK PAGE!! So, instead, I'll share it here.

Recently, a very good friend informed me that she was offended by my breastfeeding posts and links and whatnot. Maybe offended isn't the word. We talked it out, she let me know her feelings in a respectable way. She didn't tell me I was wrong, she supported me. But she was bothered by it. And it wasn't just me. It was other people on her friends list. But she and I are still good friends. But other people? Complain complain complain. Why?? It's my page. Don't like it? Unfriend me! Or hide my posts. I don't care. Better yet, come and talk to me. Not in an accusatory way. But let me know your feelings. Perhaps ask me to change my settings so you don't have to see those posts. I am an adult. I can handle it, I promise. I must also add that even though I am very pro-breastfeeding, I am NOT anti-formula. All 3 of my kids had formula. I even stocked up before Gianna was born, anticipating a breastfeeding fail like with Sofia and AJ. She had formula 1 to 3 times a day, depending on if I had to work, or if she was going through a growth spurt. So, I am not against it. Entirely. I'm just amazed that people find it "just as good" as breast milk. Fact is, it isn't. Formula doesn't change to adapt to your baby's changing needs. But regardless, it's there for moms/babies who need it. And again, I'm okay with it. Sofia and AJ were exclusively formula fed around 3ish months. And they're alive, and healthy.

As for car seat safety, it's one of my biggest issues. I can't tell you how many parents use theirs incorrectly. Car seats do NOT belong on the seat of a shopping cart. This is in the manual of EVERY car seat. Either put the baby in the basket of the cart, wear your baby, or use the stroller. It really isn't that hard to do. Did I ever put my kids on the top? Yes, before I knew better. But I took the time to look into everything more carefully as I became more experienced as a mother. I learned the way the straps should be in the seat (at or below shoulders for rear facing, at or above for forward). I believe in extended rear facing. G is 13 months and still in her infant seat, rear facing. She will be rear facing for a longggg time. Well, until she is at least 3. I believe in using the correct seats until they're mature enough to sit without one. That means that my 5 year old is still in a 5 point harness. We have tried a booster with him. He won't sit back, and he doesn't stay still. The harness seat is what I need to keep him safe. My 9 year old is still in a booster. Also, the chest clip on every seat is just that- a CHEST clip. Not a belly, or a neck, clip. Chest. Should be at armpit level. Check it, and check it every time you buckle your child in. Coats do not belong in the car seat. Use a blanket. 

CIO- I don't like the idea of my child screaming and crying, thinking that I've just up and left them. G was a year when I even considered starting. She was old enough to understand that, just because she couldn't see me, it didn't mean that I was gone for good. And I went back in often to lay her back down, rub her back, or nurse her again. We still do it. We start the night out in her bed, and she finishes in my bed. We are okay with this. It works for us. We even bought a king size bed so that there would be room for all 3 of us. Not to mention, AJ likes to join us at about 4 (by then, his meds wear off, and he needs the security of us). I still use my pillows, G has her own, and we use blankets. I don't sleep with a knife in the bed like the commercials want you to think. It's not dangerous. I don't drink or do drugs. I don't take sleeping meds. G is old enough to roll over and move freely if something were obstructing her. I've woken up to a slap to the face, or a pinch on the arm, because I had my arm over her, or I was laying on her legs. 

As for baby wearing and cloth diapering, it is just something new to me, and something I enjoy. The diapers are cute, I don't have to worry about running out of diapers at 4 AM because of my baby having diarrhea and going through them all. I don't have to worry about increasing costs because of the plant in Japan blowing up. And I don't have to worry about her outgrowing a size before we use them all. I buy cute, one size cloth diapers. They will fit her until she's potty trained. Not to mention, once we're done with them, I can sell them for 75% of what I paid. It might be a hefty cost upfront, but by the time we're done using them and we resell them, we're looking at paying MAYBE $100 total for diapering. I think we see the real reason why I cloth diaper. Because I'm cheap lol We also use cloth wipes, and I make my own wipe solution. Talk about saving tons of money!

Okay, now the topic that seems to be a hot button for nearly everyone. Circumcision. I stand on the fence on this one. AJ is circ'd. If G had been a boy, he would have likely been circ'd as well. Why? Because that's just what is normal to me. My infant did not experience any pain or discomfort during the process. How do I know? I was there. He slept through the whole thing. No, he did not pass out from shock. He was asleep when I carried him to the room, and he stayed asleep while I laid him down. He stayed asleep while his diaper was removed, while lidocaine was applied, and so on. When I say I made sure he was numb, I meant it. My baby felt nothing. When he woke, I nursed him. Those videos you see on YouTube are sickening. I 100% believe these are the worst of the worst. Maybe some doctors don't use lidocaine. Mine did. This is something that you simply cannot change my mind on. If I happen to have any more kids, and if they are boys, they WILL be circ'd.

What about vaccinations? This is another hot button. If I mention this on my wall, oh man. Forget it. My children are FULLY vaccinated. The only one who has been on a delayed schedule is G. She has a weakened immune system. She is ill often. We try to plan a doctor visit for when she's not so ill so that we can do one or two shots. Some don't hold in her body, others do. So, because of that, we rely on others to be fully vaccinated to keep her healthy. If my baby were to ever get deathly ill from a preventable disease because someone didn't vaccinate, I'm going to go off. I do not put other children at risk, don't put mine. And if you chose to not vaccinate still, please let me know ahead of time. I need to do what's best for my daughter. 

I'm just sick and tired of being ridiculed about my choices. I'm sorry if what I do offends you. I'm sorry that you aren't confident enough in your choices that you feel the need to attack mine. If you're offended with what I post, that is YOUR problem. Not mine. I am not forcing you to look. I am not making you read them. I'm simply doing my part to better educate others. There were PLENTY of mistakes I've made in my years of parenting. I've let car seat straps get too loose. I've put thick coats and snowsuits on my kids in their seats. I put AJ and Sofia forward facing as soon as they hit 1. I've put their car seats on top of the cart. I used disposable diapers and wipes. I still do occasionally. I've put my kids to sleep on their bellies. On their backs. Their sides. Even on the couch. We all make mistakes. The point is, you can learn from others. Those of us who do post often about car seats and vaccines and circumcisions, we only do so because we care. I can appreciate others opinions, even if they differ from my own. What I cannot appreciate is someone telling me I'm wrong for trying to educate people. I never claimed I was an expert. I never said I was better than anyone. I never said that my mothering abilities are superior. I'll admit that there are a ton of people that I personally think should never have kids. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about that. All I can do is take the time to post what I know and care about, and maybe those people will actually start to become better parents. Do you think Octomom looks at my wall?

From here on out, I'm going to post what I want. Screw you if you don't like it. Hit the unfriend button. I don't care. The only thing I ask is if it somehow offends you, or it bothers you THAT much, please come to me and tell me. Maybe you have a personal hang up about a specific topic. I can add a list on FB and put you in it, and hide those kinds of posts from you. It's really not that hard.

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